Dirty Minds
by Madam Mare
Summary: JJ gives Emily and Garcia and Morgan a little quiz. JJ/Emily pairing.


Title: Dirty Minds  
Fandom: Criminal Minds  
Characters: JJ/Emily  
Category: Humor  
Rating: PG to however dirty your mind is  
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.  
Summary: JJ gives Emily a little quiz.  
Note: Reworked SVU fic.

XXXX

"I'm bored," Emily complains as she throws her pen down, rolling her eyes as it bounces off the desk and lands on the floor.

"Me too," I agree, looking up from my laptop.

We have been sitting down in my office for the past five hours. Reid and Rossi were giving a presentation at the local community college, Hotch had uncharacteristically taken the day off to go with Jack's class on a field trip, and Morgan and Garcia...well I wasn't sure I wanted to know what they were up to. No urgent cases had come in, and well, four hours of pushing paper is more than enough for one day.

"You've got mail!" My computer chimes.

I quickly click on the mailbox icon to see what was sent to me. As I scroll down, I can barely contain my giggles.

"What's so funny?" Emily asks me.

I look up from the computer screen and meet her toffee eyes. "Wanna play a game?" I grin.

"Jayj..."

"Come on! It'll be fun. Please?"

"Oh alright," she gives in. She never was very good at saying no to me.

"Okay, I am going to give you some clues, and you have to tell me what you think I am talking about."

"Okay," she gives me a puzzled look.

"What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?" I ask with an evil grin.

"JJ!" Emily exclaims as she sits up straight in her chair.

"What?" I ask innocently.

"What the hell kinda game is this?"

"A funny one! Come on, just answer."

"But..."

"Em..." I whine.

"How am I supposed to answer that?"

I shrug, "Just say the first thing that popped into your mind when I said that."

Emily sighs. "Tits," she mumbles, a crimson blush taking over her features.

She is so cute when she is embarrassed. I smirk as I jot down her answer, "You'll get the results at the end."

"Results?"

"Yes Emily, results. Like answers," I explain, giving her a weird look.

"But..."

I interrupt her with another question, "What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and women love so much that they often blow it?"

"Jesus JJ!" her face goes redder.

"Just answer it!"

"A dick." she gives me a dirty look.

I nod as I write that answer down.

"I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What Am I?"

"A dick," she growls.

"All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?"

Emily just glares at me.

"Em-i-ly!" I drag out her name.

"Am I interrupting?" an amused voice asks from the doorway.

I look up and see Garcia standing there. Oops.

"Not at all!" I assure her with a bright smile.

She looks over at Emily's embarrassed face before speaking, "Ya sure about that Jayj?"

"Nope, come on in Pen," I sweetly reassure her.

"Super!" She exclaims brightly, entering my office. "Whatcha doin'?"

"JJ has me taking this horrid quiz," Emily explains, and if Garcia didn't know any better, she would swear Emily was sulking.

"Oh, it's not that bad," I scoff, "But if you're having such a horrible time taking it, than Garcia can take over for you..." I trail off hopefully.

"It's all yours PG!" Emily makes a shooing motion with her hands.

"Great! Now, where were we..." I scan my computer screen to see where I left off. "Ah, ok Garcia, all day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?"

"Excuse me?" Garcia squeeks.

"See!" Emily said pointedly.

"Just answer," I huff playfully.

"A dick?"

"Is that a question or an answer?" I enjoy making her squirm.

"Answer," Garcia sighs as she exchanges a look with Emily, and for a fleeting moment I wonder if I should worry about my FICO score.

"Come on JJ. This game sucks," Emily's complaining is cut off by the door opening and another voice.

"I thought I saw you come in here Princess," Morgan comes in and throws himself into the chair next to Garcia.

Garcia shoots him a grin, "Hey Sugar! You are just in time to take my place!" As Garcia is speaking she shoots up from her chair.

"Your place?" Morgan furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"In the game!" She speaks rapidly as she makes her way to my door.

"Game?"

"Just have to answer some questions!"

Any further questions Morgan may have had were cut off by the sound of the door closing loudly behind Garcia.

"Ooo-kay," Morgan turns to Emily, "What was that all about?"

"Ask JJ," Emily smirks.

"You just have a few questions to answer, no biggie," I bat my eyelashes innocently at him.

"Hell, why not," he agrees, just as I knew he would as he takes a swig from his water bottle.

"What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?"

"Excuse me?" Morgan sputters through a mouthful of water.

"You heard her," Emily is all smiles now; happy the attention is off of her.

Morgan bites the inside of his cheek. "Fuck," he mumbles.

"What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?"

"Didn't we just go over that?"

"Gotta answer it Derek," Emily teases.

"Fuck."

I think Emily and I are enjoying this a little too much.

"What four-letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one, you can use your hands?"

"What the fuck?" he bangs his fist against the table. "What is this, the fuck game?"

Ignoring his outburst, I calmly ask, "Is that your answer?"

"Yes, Alex. What is fuck?" he glares at me, quoting Jeopardy.

"What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?"

Morgan rolls his eyes, crosses his arms and gives me a cold glare. "I don't know," he states.

"Okay, two more. What is it that all men have one of, it's longer on some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his, and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?"

"His manhood? His balls? His leash?" he offers.

Emily snickers.

"Last one. I am a four letter word, I'm a name for a woman, and I end with u-n-t."

Morgan's eyes bug out of his head. "I am *not* going to answer that! I would like for my testicles to remain intact!" He stands up and makes his way towards the door.

I grin. "So I will just write down what you are thinking for your answer," I call to his retreating form.

"Jay!" Emily playfully chides me.

"Stop your whining! The quiz is over...you want your combined results?"

"Fine." she huffs with a flippant eye roll.

"You have a very dirty mind!" I exclaim cheerfully.

"Huh? It asked dirty questions."

The poor woman looks confused.

"Want to know the answers?"

"Yes..."

She looks pretty damn sexy when she is confused.

"Okay, the answer to number one is, legs," I glance up to see her expression. "Number two is money. Three is bubblegum," I risk another glance at her. She doesn't look too happy.

"Number four is elevator, number five is fire truck."

Emily growls as I continue to tell her the actual answers.

"Number six is talk, number seven is a fork."

Is that smoke coming out of her ears?

"Number eight is an Almond Joy bar, number nine is a last name."

She really doesn't look pleased.

"And number ten is aunt." I finish.

"JJ?" she asks quietly.

"Yes?"

I am so in for it!

"You set me up."

I gulp as she gets out of her chair and slowly begins to walk over to me.

"That wasn't a very nice thing for you to do."

"N-no," I stutter, standing up to meet her face to face. "It wasn't." She can be very intimidating when she goes into full-blown sexy FBI agent mode.

"Do you know what happens to people who do not very nice things?" she growls, stepping into my space.

I close my eyes as I feel her breath whisper across my flushed skin. Suddenly have a very good idea of what happens. I let out a startled squeak when as suddenly as she had been in my space, she was gone. Thats when I remember the cameras in the office. Damn!

Emily smirks as she saunters over to the door, "You'll find out tonight."

I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding in and swallow the lump that appeared in my suddenly dry throat.

"Let me amend that," Emily pokes her head back into my office. "Maybe, you'll find out tonight.

The door clicks shut behind her and she is gone. I slump into my chair like a rapidly deflating balloon. That woman is going to be the death of me!

~Finis!~


End file.
